Blog Post

The Pirate Cyclists of Marlow

Mark Purdom • Nov 22, 2023

The Pirate Cyclists of Marlow

They were the most feared gang of cyclists in Marlow. They called themselves the Pirate Cyclists, and they roamed the streets on their bikes, looking for loot and trouble. They wore black bandanas, eye patches, and fake hooks for hands. They had parrots on their shoulders, or at least stuffed toys that looked like parrots. They spoke in pirate slang, saying things like “Ahoy, matey!” and “Shiver me timbers!” and “Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!”


They had a leader, a tall and muscular man named Captain Mark. He had a long beard, a scar on his cheek, and a gold tooth. He rode a red bike with a skull and crossbones flag on the back. He was the one who planned their raids, their ambushes, and their escapes. He was the one who divided the spoils among his crew, and he always took the biggest share.


Their favourite targets were the other cyclists in Marlow, especially the ones who wore fancy clothes and rode expensive bikes. They would chase them down, cut them off, and surround them. Then they would demand their money, their phones, their watches, and anything else of value. If the victims resisted, they would mock them with their witty banter, or their jokes, or their riddles. They would also throw confetti, glitter, and streamers at them, to make them look silly. They always bargained with humour and charm, and they usually won.


Sometimes, they would encounter rival gangs of cyclists, who also wanted to claim the streets as their own. They came from High Wycombe, Maidenhead, and as far afield as Beaconsfield, and they had different names and styles. There were the Rockers, who wore leather jackets and listened to loud music. There were the Hipsters, who wore vintage clothes and had fancy haircuts. There were the Eco-Warriors, who wore green outfits and had solar panels on their bikes. Then there would be a fierce battle, with shouting, teasing, and pedalling. The Pirate Cyclists would use their hooks to grab their enemies’ bikes, their swords to poke their tyres, and their pistols to squirt their bells. They would also throw insults, puns, and riddles at them, to make them laugh and cry. They always fought with courage and cunning, and they usually won.


They had a secret hideout, an abandoned sports club near the river. There they kept their bikes, their loot, and their rum. They also had a map, a treasure map, that they had stolen from a museum. It showed the location of a hidden chest, filled with gold and jewels, buried somewhere in Marlow. They had been trying to decipher the clues on the map for months, but they had not yet found the treasure. They were determined to find it, though, and they would stop at nothing to do so.


They were the Pirate Cyclists, and they lived for adventure, danger, and fun. They were the scourge of Marlow, and they loved it. They were the masters of their bikes, and they ruled the roads. They were the Pirate Cyclists, and they were unstoppable.


Or so they thought...


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